Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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