I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
