My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Randomize
