New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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