Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
