Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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