I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
