I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
So much rum. So many feels.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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