Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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