Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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