She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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