I think I am morally bankrupt
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
