Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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