Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
