Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
