just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
