i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I want to be your penis for a week.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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