I want to walk on stilts...naked
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He? As in you personified your dick?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
