who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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