I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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