In the future we'll all be gay
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
