Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
