Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
