So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
