We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
did i just pee glitter
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
