worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
