So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
