will power is for people who don't want to get laid
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize