She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
