Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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