just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Randomize
