I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
