i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the gays at disneyland are vicious
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
