so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
