i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
