just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
