There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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