I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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