he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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