I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
