I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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