drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
