Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
