She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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