Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
