I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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