there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
