We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
