What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
