wat bout pragnant strippers??
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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