Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My ass is underappreciated
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Randomize
