Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
