I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
