I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
