watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
