just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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