Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
She announced her abortion via fbk
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
