Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
