all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
