If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
