What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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