I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
