He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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