I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
