Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
