11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
